Sitting Here All Alone

They always say, that when you're down you should get out and do whatever. Be active and enjoy yourself, and relax. Hah. Yeah, like I can do that.
It's 10.52pm, on my Mum's birthday. I was sent to bed two hours ago, and I've been reading stories on fictionpress.com. Or rather, one story, about a school for troubled teens.

I could imagine myself in that school.

The worst thing about this, is how I can't just mope. I'm going to Australia in two days, which means I can't cut. It's been nineteen days since I last did it and it's getting so fricking hard. But if I slip, I won't be able to hide it because Australia is warmer than New Zealand and I won't be able to get away with my usual long sleeves. And if I slip, I have to admit to the few people that know I've been trying to quit that I haven't done so well. But there's no distraction in here, other than the internet. I'm not allowed out of my room; I'm supposed to be asleep.

To be quite honest, I really don't want to go past tonight. Ending things sounds way neater and I really just can't handle having to function.

Also, I'm getting worried about the trip to Australia. Mum and Dad are planning to sit me down and talk about my school report- which was dreadful by the way. And it'll be soo awkward having them in the same room because I'm just not used to it.

I wish I could just swap families with one of my friends, or at least someone else.

Anyway, I don't exactly have much to write about. I might take another mood tracker test or something, to see how bad I feel compared to other times I've been down. And then I have a story to write because my friend gave me a sentence starter because I have no idea what to write for Claire or my Killjoys fanfic.

Love, butterflies and grass,
Olivia